I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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