I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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