i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
