guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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