woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
