I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
