Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
