I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
