new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
