you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I believe in your delicious
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
