U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
