i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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