You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
What a dumb baby whore.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
