Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
