Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
