goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize