Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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