But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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