why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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