like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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