He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
