wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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