I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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