im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
