Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
