3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
