when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
