She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
