These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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