i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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