Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
