yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
