what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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