here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
