i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
