I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
