you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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