In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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