i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
