I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
