I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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