If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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