I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
