So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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