6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
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