dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
