Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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