Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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