I CAN MOONWALK!
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
