I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
