Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
