hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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