i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
