yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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