Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
