He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
