i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
