thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
3pm strippers are depressing
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
