I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
