i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize