At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize