Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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