i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
