I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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