So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
