Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
